Dictionary.com defines ‘negotiation‘ as follows:
“mutual discussion and arrangement of the terms of a transaction or agreement…”
To put it plainly, negotiation is getting 2 people (or groups of people) to come to an agreement on something. Great negotiation gives both persons what they want.
There are a few key things to keep in mind when negotiating with someone.
- You must keep your goal clearly in your mind at all times
- Change the name of the game
- You must find out WHY your opponent wants what they want
- Face-to-Face, Phone, or Email? Choose carefully
You must keep your goal clearly in your mind at all times
An unfocused mind is an easily manipulated mind. This is the key to all game. You must keep a very clear picture in your mind of what you want, otherwise, you’ll be convinced that you want something else. Before the negotiations even begin, focus in on your goal. Have a clear picture. If you want a $1000 from someone, then keep that $1000 in your mind at all times. See your opponent placing the bills in your hand. The only way to get somewhere is to know exactly where you’re going.
On the flip side, if your opponent is weak, and is not clear on what they want, you can put what you think they should want in their head. If someone is trying to get money out of you, but they’re not sure how much, then you can convince them of how much they should want; or even better convince them that money is not what they need at all.
Change the name of the game
The name you give to the negotiations will determine how the other person acts during the negotiations, and if used properly, could greatly influence the results. Think about the difference between asking your boss for a raise, and asking your boss to ‘renegotiate your compensation’. Raise sounds like you’re begging. Yet another employee asking for more money. This puts you in a lower position. But just by using the word ‘compensation’ instead, you give yourself the upper hand. Compensation implies money for the work that you do. This basically says to the boss, ‘the work that I do deserves more money’ instead of ‘I want more money’.
There’s a very special psychological thing that happens when you frame the game like this. If you ask your boss for a raise, in her mind she’s trying to think how little she can pay you, or even if she should pay you at all. When you frame the game with the word compensation (and assuming the work you do is good) he thinks, how much he can afford to pay you for your work, and how much is your work worth. He thinks how HIGH he can go, instead of how LOW he can go.
More information on asking for a raise can be found here.
You must find out WHY your opponent wants what they want
It’s not enough to know what your opponent says they want. Usually, what they say they want and what they really want are 2 different things. If you can find out what your opponent really wants, you can often substitute that for what they’re asking for. Example, someone wants $1000 from you. But what do they REALLY want? Perhaps they want to buy a new coat? What if you could get them the coat or, one like it at a much cheaper cost? What if you found the coat somewhere for only $300? Or if you found a $300 coat and convinced them that that coat was better for them than the one they originally wanted? Then you win.
Phone, Email, or Face-to-Face? Choose carefully
In this day and age, there are many options to choose how to negotiate. You could call a person, email a person, or sit down over a beer face to face. Negotiating by phone is best if you’re having an angry negotiation. If there’s beef, stay on the phone; the space prevents your opponent from using intimidation tactics.
Email, text, Im on the other hand is different. While there’s still the advantage of space, there’s also more of a chance that the meaning of what you’re saying will be taken incorrectly. Especially jokes. Since you can’t really see (or hear) whether or not a person is smiling, you can’t know if they’re joking or serious. Email and text and such also prevents you from being able to see whether or not your opponent is feeling what you’re saying. When you text, you can’t tell if they’re smiling or if they’re leg is tapping in impatients. You can’t see if they’re looking around and not paying you any attention. You miss out on a lot of clues when you email.
In the end you should probably save email based negotiations for people that you know very well. In most cases, it’s better to negotiate in person, it gives you more power.
Take every opportunity to practice your negotiation skills. Every time someone asks you to do something, they’re negotiating with you. If your girl asks you to take out the garbage, it’s a negotiation. She’s saying take out the garbage or I’m going to be angry with you. In that short exchange, you’ve negotiated a deal. She gets you to take out the garbage, and you get to not have to deal with her attitude. But instead of taking that offer, why not counter offer with something that you want? When you become a master negotiator, you’ll find that the world will be yours.
I’ve given you the game, now it’s up to you to step your game up.
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